Dear Master Thugfang: My patient has recently read The Polish Pope’s Theology of the Body, and now he is less accessible to porn temptations. What do I do? Sincerely, Needs Options.
My Dear Needs Options,
Ah yes, The Polish Pope: I have never been able to decide whether he or that Albanian Nun have been the worst disasters of the human’s twentieth century. You’d better hope your patient doesn’t discover her. Between the two of them you could find yourself in a pretty tight place. As it is, you have probably already lost a good deal of ground. Do not think for a second that this is not a serious error on your part. It must be dealt with. However, since you sign yourself “Needs Options,” it seems you are already looking about for new avenues. At least you have the principle, what you need now is experience to show you how to make use of this setback.
First of all, you have neglected to mention whether or not your patient is married. It doesn’t change the principle, only the application, but it would help to make my advice more relevant. It is lack of attention to detail like that which is going to be your ruin. Sheer laziness, is what it is, so I will write as if he were married in this column. In a later column I will address the single humans.
Now, the fact that he is becoming “less accessible” to your rather routine pornography strategy could mean one of several things. It could mean that what he has read has penetrated to some level of his will and he is now really trying to live what he has come to believe. Or it could mean nothing more than that the patient is so entranced by the poetic appeal of that theology, what the enemy’s agents would term its “beauty”, that he is temporarily infatuated with it and so he momentarily sees how humdrum and boring pornography really is. Or it could mean that The Enemy is using that book as an occasion of what He calls “Grace” to overcome your strategy once and for all, and the patient is at least partially responding.
Whatever the case may be, never think for a second The Enemy won’t be up to something. Whether He is going to come in and put a stop to your work against this man’s chastity right now or not, you may be sure He is not inactive. We don’t fully understand why He doesn’t do this every time He is asked, but I suspect it is usually because the patient himself doesn’t fully want Him to do any such thing. But any amount of desire for relief on his part will call forth a response from The Enemy. The goal for us is to get the patient to let that opportunity of “Grace” go by without any active response. The key to that is compartmentalization.
The human male is a creature of great disconnectedness. This was originally designed as a means of allowing them to prioritize issues and deal with each one in turn, without distraction from other issues. We have since worked on many levels, cultural and individual, to exaggerate this quality. In extreme cases I have seen male patients so well trained that they can go directly from rape and murder to endowing churches and tucking their own children in bed at night without a qualm. In the more ordinary scheme of human life it is not at all unusual for a male human to move from his wife’s arms one night to the strip club the next night and think the two completely unrelated. He does not feel guilty because he does not think the two are connected at all. His wife has his “heart” and his paycheck. The stripper on the stage has his eyes and his attention for a moment. It is much the same as a king in other ages, marrying one woman for offspring, but keeping dozens of others around or running through them one after the other for “love”. The trick is to find a way to split the two in your patient’s mind.
In the old days we made good work of the idea that the mind and the body were separate things. The male humans could lust after whatever they wanted, so long as they never actually touched them. Or he can touch whoever he wants, so long as he does not, in some vague undefinable sense, “love” them as he “loves” his wife. We are still reaping the fruits of that in society at large, but the damaging thing about the Polish Pope’s work is precisely that it exposes that lie and proclaims the truth, that nothing the body does is separate from the soul, and nothing the soul does is separate from the body. He is undoing millennia of work, going all the way back to our re-interpretation of Paul with the Manicheans.
What he cannot undo, however, is the culture. We still run that, and we have no intention of giving that up. Your patient now believes in his own psychosomatic unity? Good for him. He still thinks that TOB is all about sex, and there we have him. If he is married you need to encourage his infatuation with this new fad for the few minutes a day (or week, or month) it takes for him to copulate with his wife. Let him indulge all sorts of sublime, spiritual fantasies. Let him expect to hear angelic choirs singing, be uplifted to the seventh heaven. One of two things will happen. Either he will have such an experience or he won’t. If he does, play on the insatiable human desire to “do it again”. So all through the day when he should be thinking of his wife’s happiness now he is instead looking forward to seeing her in her nightgown that evening. You may have to endure a great deal of nauseating human romance, maybe for a very long time, but you can get your revenge later. If you can confine TOB to the bedroom you will completely pull its teeth. If it never sees the kitchen, the laundry room, the diaper changing table, or the trash bin, it will fail in the bedroom eventually, and might I add, most enjoyably.
Now if this profound emotional flutter doesn’t happen to him, your work is even easier. A sensible human would see the connection to The Enemy’s other sacrament, the one with the wafer. That does whatever it does whether the human feels it or not, but don’t let him see that. Convince him to try to feel the “holiness” of sex by sheer strength of will. Eventually this effort will defeat itself and in the wake of his disappointment you will have all sorts of options, ranging from depression and porn use, to apostasy, to affairs, to divorce. Use your imagination.
Again initially you will have to encourage some marital sex which it is usually our policy to discourage. I grant you it is unorthodox, to encourage what is undeniably a virtue, but the principle is really to unbalance the relationship. You will destroy their love the rest of the day, and eventually their sex life will follow as well, and it will be all the more amusing to watch when it does. Defense against the White Arts is my specialty and sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
You and I know that whenever and wherever a Christian couple lawfully enacts their disgusting marital embrace, The Enemy’s sacrament is there. We cannot help but know it. We are seared and blinded by it. We burn and sizzle under the scorching, hateful light of it. They do not. They enact it and they do not know it and this is why when one sensible human tells them the truth we can use that very truth to poison their entire sexuality. When they don’t feel that scintillating personalistic vision, they assume it isn’t there, and if it isn’t there then maybe they just shouldn’t do it tonight. They don’t feel supernatural enlightenment, so they must have done it wrong, when in reality they were just tired, or had something else in the backs of their minds, or it was too warm in the room.
You and I see this with all The Enemy’s sacraments, but this one sacrament they somehow think should be different than the rest. It’s the same lie we’ve been using for years now, dressed up anew. If you don’t feel “in love” with someone, then somehow the marriage no longer counts. Well now among a certain sect we can teach them to think if they don’t feel “unified” by it, it doesn’t count as “spiritual sex.” So they separate soul and body once again and we enjoy it even better than before.
So your principles are, confine this dangerous new fad of his to the bedroom. This will eventually make his wife very unlikely to get excited about it with him, which will give him an excuse to doubt her zeal for “the faith” which is really nothing more than his own pet version of The Enemy’s Faith.
Then, disillusionment (which is really illusionment), disappointment, despair. Once they start down that road you must press your advantage as far as you can. Crush the little vermin into the mud of their own frustrated desires. Let them never even dare to be happy again.