His
Right Dishonourable Loathsomeness, Master Thugfang, is a demon of great infamy
among academic circles. He is a frequent columnist for “Tempter’s Times”, an
assistant editor for “Wickedness Weekly” and current chair of Tempter’s
Training College’s Department of Defense Against the White Arts, after the
sudden disappearance of the most recent head under mysterious circumstances.
Now, His Right Dishonourable Loathsomeness takes your questions. Having
problems with a particularly troublesome patient? Meddlesome enemy agents
stymieing you at every turn? Don’t wait, write immediately to “Ask Thugfang”
C/O “Underworld Magazine.”
Dear
Master Thugfang: My patient has recently read The Polish Pope’s Theology of the
Body, and now he is less accessible to porn temptations. What do I do?
Sincerely, Needs Options.
My Dear Needs Options,
Ah yes, The Polish Pope: I have never been able to
decide whether he or that Albanian Nun have been the worst disasters of the
human’s twentieth century. You’d better hope your patient doesn’t discover her. Between the two of them you could
find yourself in a pretty tight place. As it is, you have probably already lost
a good deal of ground. Do not think for a second that this is not a serious
error on your part. It must be dealt with. However, since you sign yourself
“Needs Options,” it seems you are already looking about for new avenues. At
least you have the principle, what you need now is experience to show you how
to make use of this setback.
First of all, you have neglected to mention whether
or not your patient is married. It doesn’t change the principle, only the
application, but it would help to make my advice more relevant. It is lack of
attention to detail like that which is going to be your ruin. Sheer laziness,
is what it is, so I will write as if he were married in this column. In a later
column I will address the single humans.
Now, the fact that he is becoming “less accessible”
to your rather routine pornography strategy could mean one of several things.
It could mean that what he has read has penetrated to some level of his will
and he is now really trying to live what he has come to believe. Or it could
mean nothing more than that the patient is so entranced by the poetic appeal of
that theology, what the enemy’s agents would term its “beauty”, that he is
temporarily infatuated with it and so he momentarily sees how humdrum and
boring pornography really is. Or it could mean that The Enemy is using that
book as an occasion of what He calls “Grace” to overcome your strategy once and
for all, and the patient is at least partially responding.
Whatever the case may be, never think for a second
The Enemy won’t be up to something. Whether He is going to come in and put a
stop to your work against this man’s chastity right now or not, you may be sure
He is not inactive. We don’t fully understand why He doesn’t do this every time
He is asked, but I suspect it is usually because the patient himself doesn’t
fully want Him to do any such thing. But any amount of desire for relief on his
part will call forth a response from The Enemy. The goal for us is to get the
patient to let that opportunity of “Grace” go by without any active response.
The key to that is compartmentalization.
The human male is a creature of great
disconnectedness. This was originally designed as a means of allowing them to
prioritize issues and deal with each one in turn, without distraction from
other issues. We have since worked on many levels, cultural and individual, to
exaggerate this quality. In extreme cases I have seen male patients so well
trained that they can go directly from rape and murder to endowing churches and
tucking their own children in bed at night without a qualm. In the more
ordinary scheme of human life it is not at all unusual for a male human to move
from his wife’s arms one night to the strip club the next night and think the
two completely unrelated. He does not feel guilty because he does not think the
two are connected at all. His wife has his “heart” and his paycheck. The
stripper on the stage has his eyes and his attention for a moment. It is much
the same as a king in other ages, marrying one woman for offspring, but keeping
dozens of others around or running through them one after the other for “love”.
The trick is to find a way to split the two in your patient’s mind.
In the old days we made good work of the idea that
the mind and the body were separate things. The male humans could lust after
whatever they wanted, so long as they never actually touched them. Or he can
touch whoever he wants, so long as he does not, in some vague undefinable
sense, “love” them as he “loves” his wife. We are still reaping the fruits of
that in society at large, but the damaging thing about the Polish Pope’s work
is precisely that it exposes that lie and proclaims the truth, that nothing the
body does is separate from the soul, and nothing the soul does is separate from
the body. He is undoing millennia of work, going all the way back to our
re-interpretation of Paul with the Manicheans.
What he cannot undo, however, is the culture. We
still run that, and we have no intention of giving that up. Your patient now
believes in his own psychosomatic unity? Good for him. He still thinks that TOB
is all about sex, and there we have him. If he is married you need to encourage
his infatuation with this new fad for the few minutes a day (or week, or month)
it takes for him to copulate with his wife. Let him indulge all sorts of
sublime, spiritual fantasies. Let him expect to hear angelic choirs singing, be
uplifted to the seventh heaven. One of two things will happen. Either he will have
such an experience or he won’t. If he does, play on the insatiable human desire
to “do it again”. So all through the day when he should be thinking of his
wife’s happiness now he is instead
looking forward to seeing her in her nightgown that evening. You may have to
endure a great deal of nauseating human romance, maybe for a very long time,
but you can get your revenge later. If you can confine TOB to the bedroom you
will completely pull its teeth. If it never sees the kitchen, the laundry room,
the diaper changing table, or the trash bin, it will fail in the bedroom
eventually, and might I add, most enjoyably.
Now if this profound emotional flutter doesn’t
happen to him, your work is even easier. A sensible human would see the
connection to The Enemy’s other sacrament, the one with the wafer. That does
whatever it does whether the human feels it or not, but don’t let him see that.
Convince him to try to feel the “holiness” of sex by sheer strength of will.
Eventually this effort will defeat itself and in the wake of his disappointment
you will have all sorts of options, ranging from depression and porn use, to
apostasy, to affairs, to divorce. Use your imagination.
Again initially you will have to encourage some
marital sex which it is usually our policy to discourage. I grant you it is
unorthodox, to encourage what is undeniably a virtue, but the principle is
really to unbalance the relationship. You will destroy their love the rest of
the day, and eventually their sex life will follow as well, and it will be all
the more amusing to watch when it does. Defense against the White Arts is my
specialty and sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
You and I know that whenever and wherever a
Christian couple lawfully enacts their disgusting marital embrace, The Enemy’s
sacrament is there. We cannot help but know it. We are seared and blinded by
it. We burn and sizzle under the scorching, hateful light of it. They do not.
They enact it and they do not know it and this is why when one sensible human
tells them the truth we can use that very truth to poison their entire
sexuality. When they don’t feel that
scintillating personalistic vision, they assume it isn’t there, and if it isn’t
there then maybe they just shouldn’t do it tonight. They don’t feel
supernatural enlightenment, so they must have done it wrong, when in reality
they were just tired, or had something else in the backs of their minds, or it
was too warm in the room.
You and I see this with all The Enemy’s sacraments,
but this one sacrament they somehow think should be different than the rest.
It’s the same lie we’ve been using for years now, dressed up anew. If you don’t
feel “in love” with someone, then somehow the marriage no longer counts. Well
now among a certain sect we can teach them to think if they don’t feel
“unified” by it, it doesn’t count as “spiritual sex.” So they separate soul and
body once again and we enjoy it even better than before.
So your principles are, confine this dangerous new
fad of his to the bedroom. This will eventually make his wife very unlikely to
get excited about it with him, which will give him an excuse to doubt her zeal
for “the faith” which is really nothing more than his own pet version of The
Enemy’s Faith.
Then, disillusionment (which is really
illusionment), disappointment, despair. Once they start down that road you must
press your advantage as far as you can. Crush the little vermin into the mud of
their own frustrated desires. Let them never even dare to be happy again.
Cheers,
Thugfang
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