Cannot

Not.

Not I.

Not, cannot,

I cannot be good.

Be nor do,

Cannot do good,

Nor try,

Try good.

Not try, nor want, nor even see to know.

I cannot love nor live,

Give nor bless I cannot.

I cannot pray

Nor say

Nor sing

Nor ring the rounding bell

Nor tell

Nor teach

Nor preach, prophesy or praise.

I cannot add one moment to my days

I cannot lift up my gaze, my eyes,

Nor know the skies,

Nor even the mud that makes my form

Nor warm my heart

Nor finish any good work, nor even start.

I cannot

For I all but am not.

Am nought, What?

I am not aught but… what?

At my center a gap, an emptiness.

An abyss, a nothingness

An utter lack, a longing, a space

A place, an empty womb or tomb wherein I miss.

Miss whom?

Miss Thee, as Thou hast created me to.

My emptiness fancies itself a thing,

Tries to give, to live, to be, anything

But I cannot

For I all but am not.

Am unfilled, longing

(With strong longing, Thine,

All Thine, not mine) to be filled

Full, fulfilled, filled full well

As Thou hast willed,

Emptied so as to be filled,

Spilled out so as to be overflowed

And spilled ad majorem

Dei gloriam, filled and spilled and filled for aye,

All, ever, saecula saeculorum! I

Give up, and offer Thee nothing.

Fillest and killest though my nought, with Thy I AM.